Lulu's User-Friendly

Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Way to Little Beach

Little Beach, on the South-East shore of Maui, is a church for some and a hideaway for many. To get there, in short, hitchhike to Makena (past all the resorts of manicured Wailea), walk past Big Beach and up over the rocky cliffs to the small beach on the other side. The drum circle and considerable lack of bathing suits will let you know you've arrived at Little Beach.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Lulu's User-Friendly Guide to Pruning Banana Clumps

As a WWOOFer at Hale Akua Garden Farm, I take care of all sorts of plants: taro, Hawaiian ginger, tumeric, bok choy, carrots, beets, okra, etc. One of my more exciting responsibilities is caring for our 30+ banana plants using a very serious machete.

Thus, I give you an overview of what this task entails...

1. Pull all the weeds and extraneous grass away from the base of the clump. This will give you a clean workspace and room to consider the dense structure of the plant at hand. My boss is very exacting, so I’ve gotten used to doing a lot of weeding. Mostly, in this case it just looks nice.

2. Bananas like to keep a close-knit O’hana (Hawaiian for "family"): a daddy, a mommy, a teenager, and a baby (or one mature mommy and one less mature mommy – however PC you’d like to make this scenario, be my guest). Either way, kill the rest of the family with a giant machete. The stalks that are preparing to bear fruit get to stay. In addition to those, keep one slightly smaller one and also one young shoot. Cutting back family members will help ensure that the surviving ones have enough nutrients to bare fruit.

3. Use the bodies from the offed family members to fertilize the remaining family members: cut trunks into thirds and place around the base of the plant. Put the large leaves around as well, and tuck into the free space in between stalks.

4. Be careful not to hit your head on the enormous banana flower as you are moving around the clump.

5. Harvest the bananas (the actual fruits) the moment they begin to turn from green to yellow.

And check out this delicious baked treat from Gourmet that we prepared using our harvested bananas.

Friday, September 04, 2009

Lulu's User-Friendly Guide to: Hitchhiking Maui

On the North Shore of Maui, hitchhiking is a way of life.

Snagging a Ride:

1. Remember the buddy system? It worked in shopping malls and Disneyland, and it works on Hawaii's Hana Highway, too. Having a friend with you may limit your options for rides, but it will help if you get into a sticky situation.

2. Nothing says "pick me up" like a sundress -- even if you're a guy. No, just kidding. But, in the least, try to look presentable.

3. Find a good location. Cars whipping around corners are generally in no position to stop for you. If you can walk to a straightaway, then you will give your approaching car more time to notice your needs and your sundress.

4. To smile or not to smile? That depends on your teeth. If you're missing teeth or sporting some gold, lay low with all of that. Retainers and braces will make you seem like a runaway. If the smile doesn't match the sundress, just keep a neutral expression.

5.

6. Generally, you either get a customer immediately (within five minutes) or never. If you are willing to walk to your destination, you might pause every couple of minutes to try again in a new spot.

7. Try to keep a positive outlook, because it can't hurt. If you look fun and hopeful, you may get more bites than if you are dragging your heels and bumming-out on the side of the road.

Hitchhiker Etiquette:

1. Make sure you know the address or intersection of where you are going to (unless it's a landmark or something generally well-known). Civilian drivers, even if they are knowledgeable locals, are not tour guides; they may not know where the road with a "big guava tree" and "lots of mailboxes" just "a little past Haiku" is.

1. Yes, for the 20-minute drive home, you are a God-fearing (boy/girl). If the topic never comes up, no need to bring it up. If it does, it's better to at least pretend to have some interest in The Almighty (whoever that might be to your driver) if you don't already. I realize this may be a bit of compromise to your integrity, but the ride will be much smoother for it.

2. Avoid political banter, as well. At a dinner party, you can walk away when things get heated between liberal you and your newly conservative friend from high school. In a car, you can't walk away from your driver, but your driver can and certainly will kick you out of his or her car. If your driver brings up something political, listen patiently or perhaps express curiosity rather than an opinion.

3. DON'T hitchhike with really valuable things you wish to hold onto. Need I explain why?

4. DO, perhaps, bring something nice you can give your driver if she, as a favor to you, decides to go beyond her own destination. This gift could be a beer, a piece of choice fruit or chocolate, a friendship bracelet... you get the idea. Fruit is generally a safe bet. BUT, remember that you are under no obligation as a hitchhiker to compensate your driver -- unless he brings it up initially, before you get in, and you agree.

5. Some Maui drivers like to party on the way home from Paia. If they are drinking, wait for the next car. It's up to you whether or not you want to smoke the peace pipe. Drivers probably won't be offended if you don't want to partake.

5. Remember to say "Please" and "Mahalo."

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Lulu's User-Friendly Guide to: Savory Summer Foods to Keep You Cool

Summer is the home of frozen treats: popsicles, ice cream cones, and ice cream sandwiches (yes, shameless self-promotion). But one can't survive on sweets alone -- trust me, I've tried. So what can you do to keep cool during meal time? Here are a few of my favorite cold savory dishes from my cookbook collection for you to try during these sweltering dog days of summer:

Gazpacho

A classic summer stand-by that hails from Spain. This soup combines the coolness of cucumbers with the tangy acidity of tomatoes and garlic.

Ingredients:

1 hothouse cucumber, halved and seeded, but not peeled

2 red bell peppers, cored and seeded

4 plum tomatoes

1 red onion

3 garlic cloves, minced

23 ounces tomato juice (3 cups)

1/4 cup white wine vinegar

1/4 cup good olive oil

1/2 tablespoon kosher salt

1 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper

Directions:

Roughly chop the cucumbers, bell peppers, tomatoes, and red onions into 1-inch cubes. Put each vegetable separately into a food processor fitted with a steel blade and pulse until it is coarsely chopped. Do not overprocess!

After each vegetable is processed, combine them in a large bowl and add the garlic, tomato juice, vinegar, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Mix well and chill before serving. The longer gazpacho sits, the more the flavors develop. Serves 4. (Source: Garten, Ina. The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook, 1999)

Bibb lettuce with lump crab and creamy basil dressing

This delicate lettuce pairs nicely with the cool flakes of crab meat and sweet basil dressing.

Ingredients:

1 to 1 1/2 lbs of jumbo lump crabmeat
1 head of Bibb lettuce
---
1 cup loosely packed fresh basil
1 tablespoon chopped shallot
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar (or white wine vinegar if you'd like the green to really pop)
1/2 teaspoon salt (or to taste)
a few cracks of black pepper
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
6 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

Directions:

Combine the second group of ingredients in a blender until smooth. Place cleaned Bibb lettuce leaves down on a plate (or in a martini glass, if you're feeling festive), top with crab meat, and drizzle dressing over the top. Serves 4.

Shrimp and Scallop Seviche

I'll be going to Peru before the year is over, so naturally my thoughts turn to this classic Peruviano take on seafood. This recipe comes from my good friend (and excellent home chef) Virginia Graham.

Ingredients:

2 lbs. of shrimp, cooked and peeled

1 lb of raw scallops, thinly sliced

1 cup of fresh lime juice (about six limes)

6 Tablespoons of finely chopped red onion

4 Tablespoons of chopped fresh parsley

2 Tablespoons of finely chopped green pepper

1/2 cup of olive oil

1/2 teaspoon of oregano

Dash of Tabasco

1 teaspoon salt

Freshly ground black pepper

2 avocados, peeled and sliced

Directions:

Cut the shrimp in half, down the center and then bisect (you should get four pieces per shrimp). Mix with the scallops in a bowl. Three to four hours before serving, marinate the seafood in the lime juice at room temperature. Cover and let stand for one hour, stirring occasionally. Drain and discard the juice. Add all the remaining ingredients to the seafood, except the avocado, and toss lightly. Chill for an hour. Finally, arrange on plates with the avocado. Yum!

Prosciutto e melon

It really doesn't get any easier than this salty-sweet Italian dish. The important thing is to get really good ingredients. If you can get your hands on a Charentais melon, do! They are especially sweet and fragrant. Otherwise, cantaloupe should do the trick.

Ingredients:

1 Charentais melon

1 package of prosciutto ham

Directions:

Quarter melon and then slice flesh away from the rind so that you end up with crescents. Bisect each crescent to get more manageable pieces. Remove thin slices of prosciutto from the package and wrap completely around melon. Pop in mouth and enjoy!

Cold Soba Noodles

Noodles may not be the first thing that springs to mind when you're in need of something refreshing, but I always crave these noodles on a muggy summer night ever since I tried them in Japan a few years back.

Ingredients:

1/2 lb. soba noodles
2 cups finely shredded napa cabbage
1 tsp. sesame oil
2 Tbsps. vegetable oil
2 Tbsps. seasoned rice vinegar
2 tsps. soy sauce
2 tsps. sweet chili sauce
1 tsp. grated fresh ginger
1/4 cup sliced Japanese pickled ginger
2 Tbsps. chopped cilantro
2 green onions, julienned
1 tsp. toasted sesame seeds

Directions:

In a large pot of boiling water, cook noodles according to package directions; drain, rinse with cold water, and drain again. Place noodles in a large bowl. Add napa cabbage and sesame oil; toss until evenly combined.

Combine dressing ingredients in a medium bowl; mix well. Pour dressing over noodle mixture. Add pickled ginger, cilantro, and green onions. Toss to evenly coat and let chill in fridge. Garnish with sesame seeds and serve. Serves 4. (Source: Yan, Martin. Martin Yan's Quick & Easy, 2005)
Stay cool!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Lulu's User-Friendly Guide to: Air Sex

Air guitar? Boring. Anyone can pick up an invisible Les Paul and crank out a few unchallenged power chords. I mean, the music’s already there – you really just go along for a little self-indulgent ride. Where’s the room for criticism in that?

On the other hand, picking up an invisible lover and finessing your way into his or her “bedroom” – now that is a different story. No doubt, making love to thin air is a skill, one that not all “air sex” proponents and performers have necessarily mastered.

As the name suggests, air sex is what you call it when an individual simulates sexual activity with an invisible partner. A group of bored, unsatisfied Japanese men are reported to have shaped the would-be private activity into an official music-driven, formally judged performance art competition in 2006. Some of the men’s moves leave me wondering what the receiving end would look like, were she more than just oxygen (and nitrogen and carbon dioxide). It would seem that sex is truly no holds barred when you are dancing with yourself in front of a group of indiscriminate, enthusiastic observers.

It didn’t take long for this bizarre pastime to trickle into the U.S., where it arrived stateside as an elaborately choreographed, straight-to-YouTube spectacular by a group of creative high school romeos with a thing for one very special ottoman…

…and was later adopted by Austin’s Alamo Drafthouse in 2007 as an official competition that would go on to sweep the country, one dry hump at a time.

Tonight, the Air Sex World Championship 2009 Tour is making a stop at one of my favorite San Diego venues, The Casbah. This is a notably small space for what is likely to be a sweaty, highly gesticular affair, so I have high hopes for an inspiring evening. If I’m lucky, I’ll pick up a few pointers… and maybe a date?